Breaking the cycle

Since the age of ten I've been made aware of my need to lose weight, whether for health, vanity or societal reasons.  Since then I've been on an exhausting cycle of restriction and bingeing - I have a terrible relationship to food! I've recently realised that any form of restriction always ends in rebellion, so am trying to be more neutral about food. I have a long journey ahead before I reach any form of self acceptance, but I do have hope of a way out of this self destructive cycle, as this poem shows.  If you're interested,  it was prompted by the podcast https://open.spotify.com/episode/1M0OdCqx8l1YP1gmCIrLGh 



Eight hastily eaten chocolate biscuits down, 
Feeling sick, guilty, and a whole bellyfull of shame,
I finally tune into that saved podcast
Hoping to learn how to stop this constant pushing
Of comfort into my needy mouth.

Ten minutes in, I'm in tears of recognition. 
This woman knows.  She's been there. 
Found a way out of her personal cycle.
Without blame, with compassionate understanding,
She holds out her hand, offers me hope. 

© Copyright 2023. Chris Auger. All Rights Reserved.

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