Anxiety

Anxiety

Day 30: I'm having to go off prompt today with a pre-prepared poem, because my surgery is early this morning and there wouldn't be time to write something new.  It's weird because l don't know if I'll be having a joint fusion (requiring a plaster cast) or a simpler procedure until I wake up after the operation.  So I can't prepare myself like you normally would going into surgery.


By the time you read this
My foot will be invaded,
Its fate will be decided.

I'll not dissemble,
I'm more than anxious -
Not of the surgeon's knife
Nor what they'll find inside
The choice that will be made -
But of immobility
Dependence on crutches,
Painkillers,
Other people.

I should be ready
I've practiced using one leg
For the things I've taken for granted:
Getting in and out of bed
Trips to the toilet
Sliding up and down stairs on my behind.

I've prepared the house
With a thorough spring clean
Cleared space for clumsy stumbling
Gathered a growing pile by my chair -
Things to do while I'm stuck there.

I've been reassured
"Fear of something is worse
Than the thing itself."
And in a few weeks I'll "look back
And wonder what all the fuss was about."
For now I hold my fear inside
Plaster a smile across my face
And breathe.



© Copyright 2019. Chris Auger. All Rights Reserved



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